last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i believe in u and ur pee
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
