These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
