i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
