He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
