The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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