Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
