At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
