Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
