im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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