I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
