cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were trust falling into bushes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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