I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
