saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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