well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I fill condoms, not promises.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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