I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
