yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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