I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
