Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
