No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
