he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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