This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
