I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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