yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
