that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
