He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
