How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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