Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
