I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
