All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
