My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
