He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I party with great urgency now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
