I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
