i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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