So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
