He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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