I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
