I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
