i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
