i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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