Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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