I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
