69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
