im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
