handjob tips. give me some.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
