Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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