I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
