You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
