I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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