it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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