eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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